I’m going to return later in the month to the subject of how hard this time of year is for couples and individuals longing to be parents and finding yet another holiday season coming round with still no child to share it with. We often think of women as being the ones who suffer most but I was very pleased to be reminded today of the feelings of men. As I know from experience in my own family and talking with many, many donor conception families over the years, men who can talk about their feelings easily (and they certainly have them) are pretty thin on the ground. They exist, but are rare.
One of these rare men is Eric Schwartzman, resident of New York, dad to two DI conceived children, blogger and founder of a Yahoo group called DI Dads. This is his message to all the guys out there who are feeling the pressure of the time of year but maybe aren’t able to put those feelings into words –
“It’s December and this time of year is sometimes a bit difficult for
many individuals. Addressing donor conception issues can be hard
for anyone. This time of year the issues can be heightened when
attending family events or any gathering where they are usually small
children. Or even just family members or individuals that seem to
never stop asking questions etc.
Men tend to keep their thoughts inside and not voice them as well as
many of our female counterparts. I just wanted to say that the DI
DADS yahoo group and its members are here to talk and allow any DI
dad to vent or discuss any donor insemination related issue they
“This group is for MEN only. It is for dads whose children were
conceived by donor insemination. It is not intended for the donors,
but rather for the men who are actually raising or have raised
children conceived by DI. The group is also for men who are
considering with their spouses using donor insemination to create
their families and are looking for information and support.”
Odds are any issue a gentleman is dealing with, a current member of
the DI Dads group is as well or has been there. There is no right or
wrong about how most of us handle these type of events. As long as
you are honest with your hosts or family members they usually should
be respectful of your feelings and wishes. At the same time they just
ask you are respectful of theirs.
If anyone wants to speak personally feel free to let me know.
Eric’s group is open to any man, anywhere in the world, who has children or is contemplating having children with the help of a sperm donor.
My IMac on the blink and having to go to the doctor. Don’t know when I’ll be back but hope it’s soon. Olivia