All about donor offspring and those wonderful people…the donors

Two Stop Press pieces of news.  First, today’s (Saturday 26th April) Times newspaper carries an article in their colour supplement about donor conceived people and donors.  One of the stories features the offspring and donor I wrote about in a recent blog where the donor conceived woman discovered that she did not share the blood group of either of her parents during a routine blood test in pregnancy.  She went on to find her donor through the UK Donor Conceived register.  Two other young DC adults in the piece are Sam and Gracie, both DC Network members.  Gracie will be on the young people’s panel at the DCN conference tomorrow.

 It is a perfectly decent article, balanced and with no glaring mistakes BUT it fails to mention the Donor Conception Network, despite Sam having taken his My Story book along to the photo-shoot.  Journalists seem to think that mentioning a support organisation is somehow akin to commercial advertising.  Do they not realise that DC Network is a unique resource for parents by donor conception and that some of those reading the article will be parents of older children who have yet to be ‘told’.  We are the only organisation with considerable experience of supporting this group of parents, as well as encouraging parents of little kids to start telling early.  Rant over.

The second newsworthy item is that the long awaited book Letters to My Donor, collected and published by the National Gamete Donation Trust, is now available.  I have seen a near complete mock-up of the book and know how inspirational and well put together it is.  I just hope the hearts have been removed from my letter page!  Visit the NGDT website to secure your copy now.

http://www.ngdt.co.uk/letters

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About oliviasview

Co-founder and now Practice Consultant at Donor Conception Network. Mother to two donor conceived adults and a son conceived without help in my first marriage.
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23 Responses to All about donor offspring and those wonderful people…the donors

  1. My parent's donor is my father says:

    OMG there is so much bias here that is not being acknowledged. This blog is really hard to read sometimes. I’ve written letters to my father (to my PARENT’S ‘DONOR’, not MY ‘donor’ – my father). Argh! Always always always turning the other cheek. Spin away and don’t pay any attention to the 10000 pound gorilla in the room.

    • Liz says:

      From the link:

      “On every page parents’ letters paint a stunning picture of the ‘everydayness’ of their unique family lives.”

    • gsmwc02 says:

      If you’re looking for a resource that only posts anti donor conception biases about DC there are sites out there such as your own as well as the garbage that the CBC puts out there on a regular basis (your site isn’t garbage though it does have a anti DC leaning to it). I think this site as well as Julie’s does allow for opposing views and is respectful of them. You don’t see that every where on these blogs that allows commentary.

      • marilynn says:

        I don’t have a site or maintain one anyway. If I do it’s cyberjunk. No No I’d be looking for a site that was pro dc where I’d be allowed to talk. Why would I want to go talk with people who agree with me? What would I learn? What would they learn? I’ve come up with great responses to all sorts of standard statements because I had to really challenge myself and my beliefs. There are a few people that comment that have really stretched my thinking, challenged me and it took a while to think through their questions and in the end I was able to form a response they could not argue back on and that feels really good. I want to be logical I want what I think to make sense. I am grateful for having an opportunity to talk with people of opposing view points.

        • Liz says:

          “I was able to form a response they could not argue back on and that feels really good.”

          FYI: for the Americans posting on this site. These are cultural generalities/stereotypes but:

          When Brits and Anglo-Canadians take offence they are tend do shut down communication & ignore/withdraw.

          Australians are the masters of dry wit, and more likely to throw off a couple of caustic comments before ignoring/ withdrawing.

          Americans tend to amplify. They think if they talk last, they win the argument.

          • oliviasview says:

            Yes stereotypes but pretty accurate. Brits also withdraw if they are just generally fed up and can’t see the point of arguing any longer. It has nothing to do with being having been convinced or conceding. We tend not to shout, just to go away.

            • Liz says:

              Americans don’t understand the power of silence.

              Cutting off communication ends the discourse. You have to raise to a certain level, or you will not be included in the discussion.

  2. oliviasview says:

    I suggest you don’t read if it causes so much pain.

  3. My parent's donor is my father says:

    It’s necessary that I do read (as painful as it is) and comment in order to add balance.

  4. marilynn says:

    Olivia thank you sincerely for allowing opposing view points. It shows you have really good character and that you truly believe your view point can take a hit and keep standing. You’ve got conviction. You have to imagine what it would be like to not be able to be yourself within your own family or the one raising you and then to go and try to talk about it and have no place but their own blogs to voice their opinion. All the other sites where people raising donor offspring blog and talk are off limits to donor offspring and anyone like me on their side. I think we are all grateful to you, to Julie for your continued support of open dialogue. Thank you very much.

  5. marilynn says:

    I am surprised they won’t mention DCN. Remember when I attacked your credibility as a charity organization because you charge money for your publications rather than getting your operating money from donations and you proved to me that the UK handles charities different than the U.S? Well you are a charity – you schooled me. Maybe you should school them as well maybe they don’t understand your not a carpet bager making your living off the tragic separation of families but are a charity encouraging telling donor offspring the truth.

    And by the way Olivia knows those forums like fertility friends are off limits to us. Maybe she’s sympathetic cause she herself has been locked out and prevented from sharing important info with people who don’t share her views. Liz and Lorraine

    • I too have been bashed and shunned for my views on pro donor conception forums as difficult as it is to believe.

      • marilynn says:

        I think exchange of opposing views is good. There is no area of life where we should be so comfortable that we don’t challenge our own beliefs making sure we are being fair.

        • Lorraine Nowlin says:

          The problem is, some people take things to extremes instead of respectfully disagreeing. Opposing viewpoints are one thing but outright insulting people that disagree with you is another.

          • gsmwc02 says:

            Agreed, and when certain phrases like “ungrateful child” or “desperate selfish adults” are used it leads to unproductive conversations.

            • marilynn says:

              So that nobody gets offended I’ll provide an analogy based on something that has nothing to do with what we talk about. Its perfectly fine to call people taking advantage of other people on the carpet and say, that some some store owners charging $10 for a gallon of milk during a natural disaster are profiteering and being greedy. I see no problem calling it like it is when people in power take unfair of people who are at a disadvantage. Certainly calling people at a disadvantage ungrateful just tells its own story about the coldness of the person saying it. I’m not down with censorship. Attacking a viewpoint is different than attacking a person.

              • gsmwc02 says:

                You’ve missed the point as always. There are ways to get the same message across w/out attacking others. And yes, saying someone or a group are “ungrateful children” or “desperate selfish adults” is attacking them not their viewpoint.

                • marilynn says:

                  See now I feel that telling me I always miss the point is a personal attack on me. That I am frequently hammered on but maybe you mean it in a super respectful nice loving encouraging way that is in no way intended to imply you think I’m daft or thick headed or that you are are frustrated with my inability to grasp what is self evident. You are right I’ve been reading too much into your comments to me. You are not attacking me at all. Your providing constructive feedback to improve my writing style, win friends and influence people. I am growing already.

  6. VinceLV says:

    Olivia, so happy to see the NGDT book published!! The book features letters to donors from families as well as letters from donors. I have a letter in the book, and helped the NGDT move the project forward. So excited!!!

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